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MY FAVOURITES FROM THE MANY I HEAR
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YESTERDAY SCIENTISTS FOR HEALTH AUSTRALIA SUGGESTED THAT
MEN SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT THEIR BEER CONSUMPTION,
OF A RECENT ANALYSIS THAT REVEALED THE PRESENCE OF
FEMALE HORMONES IN BEER.
THE THEORY IS THAT DRINKING BEER MAKES MEN TURN INTO
WOMEN.
TO TEST THE FINDINGS, 100 MEN WERE FED 6 PINTS OF BEER
EACH. IT WAS THEN OBSERVED THAT 100% OF THE MEN GAINED
WEIGHT, TALKED EXCESSIVELY WITHOUT MAKING SENSE,BECOME
OVERLY EMOTIONAL, COULDN'T DRIVE, FAILED TO THINK
RATIONALLY, ARGUED OVER NOTHING, AND REFUSED TO
APOLOGIZE WHEN WRONG...
NO FURTHER TESTING IS PLANNED...
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The LAPD, FBI and the CIA were all to prove that they were the best at
apprehending criminals.
The President decided to give them a test. He released a white rabbit into
a forest and each of them had to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They
question all the plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of
extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they bomb the forest,
killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They make no apologies; the
rabbit
had it coming.
The LAPD go in. They come out after just two hours, with a badly beaten
bear.
The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
The Australian PM hears about this and decides to test Australian Law
Enforcement Agencies. He releases a white rabbit into the forest just
outside Canberra.
The Victorian Police go in. They return 15 minutes later with a koala, a
kangaroo and a tree fern all shot to pieces. "They looked like dangerous
rabbits we had to act in self defence" is their explanation.
The NSW Police goes in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top ranking
officers and rabbits dancing naked around a gum tree stoned out of their
brains.
F***ing,s**t, F**k up the stupid f**ker is the only intelligible phrase
picked up
by the microphone.
The QLD Police goes in. Shortly afterwards, they come out driving a brand
new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them. The QLD Premier
congratulates them on maintaining traditional family values.
The NCA couldn't catch the rabbit, but promise if they are given a budget
increase they can recover 90 million from the rabbit in unpaid taxes and
proceeds of crime.
The WA police went into the forest and caught the white rabbit, but the
rabbit inexplicably hung itself in the cell when the attending officer
"slipped
out momentarily" for a cup of coffee.
The NT and SA police join forces to belt the crap out of every rabbit in
the forest except the white one. They know it is the black ones who cause
all
the trouble.
The AFP refuses to go. They examine the issues, particularly cost and
decide that because of the low priority and cost to the organisation as a
whole,
the matter should be rejected and returned to the referring department for
investigation.
ASIO goes to the wrong forest.
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